This guide outlines how to know if you like someone — or love them, and details the signs and signals research reveals as indicating you have genuine feelings for somebody.
For many decades, true love has appeared to us like a holy grail. Those who found it can count themselves lucky. But how do you know it’s true love? Sometimes you are not entirely sure how you feel about another person. Is it just a deep friendship that binds you, or is it maybe more? But what are the signs for how to know you like someone or how do you know if you love someone? This article tries to bring clarity to your emotional chaos and explains how to know if you like or love someone.
In women’s magazines it has been said for decades: He loves you when he pays attention, gives you exactly what you casually mentioned in one sentence for Christmas. Another popular example is the following: If he loves you, he will watch a romance with you instead of an action film at a movie evening with you. But are these really supposed to be signs of love? Or do these examples not correspond more to the clichés of love and romance that are played to us in the media?
How many of us would smile pityingly if she brought him a bottle of beer for a video evening just because he likes it. When he goes to a museum with her, it is a sign of love for many of us. But what about when she goes with him to a paintball meeting with his boys? Often it is just a matter of perspective, we can help stereotypes to scrutinize – to think about what true love could actually be and by which points you might recognize it.
How to know if you like someone and how to know you love someone
Feelings are often not very clear. What are the best strategies for how to know if you like a guy or even love him? If you are unsure about how you feel about a particular person, then you should try to be clear about how you really feel about them. But how do you actually know if you love someone or not? Some possibilities to bring light into the darkness of the emotional world are explained here.
If you want to know if you like or love someone you interact with a lot, take a look at your interactions with that person. These are all signs your system wants to signal to you that it could be love.
Do you feel happy the moment he or she just shows up? Do you get weak knees if they looks at you for a second too long? These could be clues that you love them.
It could also be more than friendship if you can’t wait to see each other again. If you hope to meet him soon, and if you even try to arrange random-looking encounters, then the situation is pretty much clear.
Can’t you focus on anything else once he walks into the room? Are you suddenly sweating and your heart beating faster?
You might want to know how you can tell if it is real love. Here you should ask yourself whether you can imagine a future with your partner. Can you even imagine life without your partner? If not, you can be confident that you have genuine love.
When you look to the future and see your current partner as the mother or father of your children, that too is a sign of deep connection.
If you want to be clear about how you feel, it is a good idea to give yourself time. Listen to your inner self and see if you can get aReally imagine relationship with that person. A relationship takes more than a fleeting fall in love. Do not press the other person, even if it is difficult. If you already feel the urge to call the chosen one in the morning and would like to send a text message directly after the date in the evening, try not to give in to this impulse right away. Sometimes it makes more sense to look a little scarce.
Actually there are hardly any fixed rules that tell you whether you love someone. The most important thing is that you listen to your heart and don’t completely disregard your mind.
How do you recognize true love?
Let’s take a look at the science and research into love. After reviewing the research, some wonderfully simple aspects of love emerge. However, viewed on a case-by-case basis, they do not necessarily have to occur and are certainly not exhaustive.
Narcissism / selfishness is contrary to love
Although , of course, she doesn’t have to be present at a paintball game, if it doesn’t suit her mood at all, and he shouldn’t feel compelled to go to the museum, where he then has to suppress the constant yawning (as you can see, does playing with clichés also work in this article), can be understood as a cornerstone of the ability to love empathy. If the concentration on oneself goes so far that it is not possible to get involved in the other, it will be difficult to come to love. Narcissism and selfishness are contrary to love. Also see: How to deal with gaslighting: strategies to stop manipulation
Neuropsychological studies show that being in love is more likely to be associated with reward centers in our brain, whereas love is associated with empathy and care. The devil is in the details. To put it bluntly, being in love is more focused on oneself, while true love is more focused on the other. Lovers like the feelings that the other makes in them. You feel the excitement. The attention that the other pays to you, but also the way the other sees you. Real empathy and care is more about taking yourself back. To use one’s knowledge and skills for the other
so that he is fine again — for example after a bad day at work. The line is narrow, as the feeling of being able to help someone creates positive personal feelings. So love is interwoven with many facets that are not always necessarily distinguishable from one another.
Under this point, aspects such as listening, having long conversations, being able to forgive because you understand the other person and their point of view seem almost classic to us.
Human brains crave connectedness
For thousands of years it has been important for human survival to act in conjunction with others. Those who were alone had a bad chance of surviving the next winter. Even though these chances of survival have improved in today’s society, human brains continually crave connectedness. Research has shown that people who feel connected to one another in certain situations mirror facial expressions and gestures, right down to individual physiological parameters that converge.
Oxytocin, also called “cuddle hormone” or “cuddle hormone”, is released when we receive kisses and hugs. This makes us feel more connected to the other.
Does love automatically mean sex?
Research shows that the frequency of sex in relationships can correlate with the intensity of love . However, around 25% of the subjects in a study found that they say they love their partner intensely, even though neither of them had had sex the month before. As with so much, this seems to be primarily individual and situation-dependent and not necessarily related to one another.
As simple as it is: love means work
While being in love almost comes naturally, true love always means a bit of work: on yourself, on the other, as well as on the relationship .
You share everyday life with each other and many problems that have to be overcome. This creates points of conflict, but also creates a bond. Self-reflection as an indispensable prerequisite for true love.
The other “shines” in a positive light
Studies indicate that people who love each other successfully think of each other in a positive way when they are in different places. Of course, this does not necessarily refer to the first anger after an argument. Rather, it means that one is generally focused on the positive characteristics of the other. Of course you also know your weaknesses , but these are only second in line .
This is where a little self-fulfilling prophecy creeps in: Just as people feel happier when they start to smile, the more positive the partner is, the more positive the thoughts that refer to them are. This little trick of nature is not reprehensible and certainly does not stand in the way of true love. But be careful: Talking / thinking nicely about a completely unsuitable partner should be difficult, because then the displeasure outweighs.
Those who are attracted grow together emotionally too
We know from studies that people who find each other attractive can grow closer together emotionally. Thus, physical attraction can be a kind of “makeup” for some discrepancies in the relationship. Even if relationship stress can arise with issues such as money or the like, couples certainly report intense love for one another as long as they find each other physically attractive. Here, too, presumably applies: The measure is decisive. Even the most beautiful partner can fade if there is no getting along with them.
There is no love without confidence
Similar to empathy and the like, self-confidence is a cornerstone of true love. The role of confidence should not be underestimated. To put it bluntly: You have to be at peace with yourself in order to be able to get involved with the other. This is the only way to feel accepted by the other person. A basic requirement for happiness in a partnership. The research underpins, especially for twomen, that personal confidence correlates with the feeling of love in a partnership.
Shared experiences create a bond
Shared experiences (without total self-surrender) create a bond. Whether it is about learning new skills together (dancing, language, etc.) or about expanding the wealth of experience, for example by going on a trip, is of secondary importance. It should be important to both partners. Even if you leave out the examples of a dance class or a trip, you come across wonderful everyday things that you can share with each other: Cooking, conversations, etc. are enough to create a bond in the partnership.
Life is a journey – partnership too!
Keeping an eye on your own personal development as well as that of your partner and also the development as a couple can be of great benefit to a partnership. Supporting and nurturing one another to grow stronger as a community can be a wonderful goal for life and love.
Couples who view their relationship as a lifelong journey in which one continues to develop have a good chance of true love and lifelong togetherness.
How to know you love someone: the signs
We all know those romantic comedies from Hollywood – where everything is so perfect, and the signs of first being in love are so outstanding that you can dream. But how do you actually recognize the signs in real life that mean that you have deep feelings for someone?
Not the dream partner you want – but doesn’t matter?
You were so sure in advance that only a man with a well-toned body, light hair and a somewhat macho demeanor would be considered as a partner? But you’ve fallen in love with someone who doesn’t even come close to your ideal. At the beginning, as long as the love is still very fresh and tender, it is often easier to look over certain deficits in the partner. But you also have to be honest with yourself and ask: Can I imagine accepting him for who he is – and that in the long term? If this question is answered honestly with a yes, then this is already a good sign for love.
You love their presence
No matter how much you’re in love, you don’t always have to do something together. Much more important, however, is that you value the presence of your partner and that it is seen as a kind of gift to spend time together – time that you then use really meaningfully for the partnership.
Respect – an important aspect
A partnership can only run harmoniously in the long run if both partners treat each other with respect. Which shouldn’t mean that you can no longer tease your partner lovingly. However, priority in a partnership should be that you are on the same level with each other and that not one of you takes on the role of “tyrant”.
The feel-good factor
Especially at the beginning of a love affair, feelings can sometimes go on a roller coaster. Sometimes you float on cloud nine, and the other day you are at a loss because you think that your partner’s feelings have evaporated because you no longer receive any “signals”. In the course of a love affair, these emotional roller coaster rides decrease as you gain confidence over time – my partner loves me for who I am. Only through this certainty will a feeling of wellbeing arise in your partnership.
Self-abandonment is not necessary
At the beginning you always try very hard to please your partner, and sometimes you do things that you normally have no interest in. Just to signal to the other: “You are important to me”. But when a little more everyday life has returned to the relationship and it is on a solid foundation, you will quickly notice that your partner still loves you, even if you are not a fan of Formula 1 broadcasts, for example.
You are open to change
Standing still often means the end of a partnership. It doesn’t always have to be the really big gestures to show the partner that you allow change and remain mindful even in a longer relationship. For example, if you no longer leave the tube of toothpaste lying around open because it has obviously been annoying the other for so long. With these small signs you are giving your partner to understand: “You and your wishes are still very important to me.”
You dare to think outside the box
With the certainty of experiencing love through another person, some people also become more courageous and a little more self-confident. Why not tackle a project with your partner or fulfill a wish that you have been putting off for so long because you did not dare to go alone?
Genevieve Dumas is a design, fashion, food and style writer who has worked on major magazines and mastheads in the United States and Europe.