Outlines why sometimes jealousy is justified, the psychology behind jealousy, how to stop being jealous, and why some people react more strongly than others.
A little jealousy is not uncommon. But what if you feel jealous for no reason or little reason, or if jealousy keeps causing problems in your relationships? This guide will explain why you feel that way, and how to not be jealous.
Basically, a distinction has to be made between mild, moderate and severe jealousy, says psychologist Dr Michelle Petersen. Since the feeling of jealousy is relative, according to the expert: One person quickly feels jealous, the other only becomes jealous very late or perhaps not at all.
And the perception of confrontation is also different: “With the same behavior, one person can feel flattered and the next one can feel restricted or harassed,” Dr Petersen says. Ultimately, the couple must discuss and negotiate where the acceptable limits are. For example, slight jealousy can also occur when third parties react positively to the partner. But if you feel insecure very quickly, it could be accompanied by a lack of autonomy and too much dependence on your partner. Maybe then you should think about how to not jealous and fighting your jealousy.
5 tips on how to stop being jealous
If you find that you have a general feeling of jealousy towards your partner and that conflicts keep coming up in your relationships, you should try to work on yourself. The following tips can help you fight your jealousy :
Make sure to remain independent despite your relationship: pursue your own goals, hobbies, and interests. Maintain your friendships and seek recognition and confirmation outside of your relationship.
Reflect on your behavior
Take the time to reflect on your own behavior and consciously consider how it affects your partner and your partnership. Practice a conscious and targeted leap of faith. Take your own space and give it to your partner as well.
Take responsibility for your own feelings
A key factor in how to stop being jealous is to control your own feelings, not your partner’s. Try to find the source of your feelings, what they stand for, and what they want to show you. Sometimes it helps to watch your thoughts for a while instead of always reacting directly. The distance from the acute feeling can help to speak constructively with your partner about what you want and what needs you have without blaming or criticizing him.
Look for clues
Sometimes jealousy is a signal that you are missing something in the relationship. For example, ask yourself the following questions: Are you happy in your relationship? Do you have enough quality time together? Do you have intimate conversations? Do you feel seen and appreciated enough by your partner? Then you can confide in your partner and talk about it. Only when he knows how you are, he can react to your thoughts and worries and you can deal with the jealousy together.
Strengthen your self-esteem
It is important that you like yourself and know your self worth. Make your life happy and praise yourself for things that you are proud of. It can help to write something like this in a journal and make it clear to yourself that you are a valuable person and that you are so to your partner too.
What to do in the event of an acute attack of jealousy?
In the event of an acute attack of jealousy, you should take a break, withdraw briefly, collect your thoughts and composure, and reflect. Spontaneous or violent reactions would mostly lead to escalations and are not very helpful for those affected. She recommends taking a calming walk or breathing meditation, in order to then calmly consider whether the feeling is based on a fact and facts, what exactly you react to, what you fear and what need is threatened or ignored. Either you manage to cope with your feelings yourself, or you speak to your partner and reveal your discomfort. “However, you should take responsibility for your own feelings.
How to stop being jealous: Why am I so jealous?
If the tips are no longer helping you and your relationships are constantly suffering from jealousy, it may be a more severe form of jealousy. According to Micaela Peter, it is characteristic of pathological jealousy that there is often no reason to control or distrustful behavior and the partnership suffers massively as a result. The causes for this would mostly come from childhood: a lack of self-confidence, self-confidence, self-esteem and self-esteem. Fears of loss and self-doubt are in the foreground and, according to the psychologist, can only be dealt with with professional help. Especially when someone reacts jealously regardless of the individual partner and their behavior, this indicates a lack of self-esteem,
Even if it is not you but your partner who are pathologically jealous, the expert recommends professional support for how to stop being jealous. Often the person concerned does not know how to deal with the situation correctly and may even maintain the problem through unfavorable behavior. “Not paying enough attention to the problem of the jealous or too much compromise can have negative effects,” Dr Petersen says.
Sometimes jealousy is justified — and even necessary
Of course, jealousy is not always groundless and can certainly be justified: “It would be downright ignorant or negligent to ignore clear signals from a partner who conspicuously turns to one or more other people,” Dr Petersen says. This could be an important signal If jealousy is legitimate, there are usually deeper motivations affecting the couple that suggest something is going wrong in the relationship: “Perhaps one of them feels neglected and seeks outside validation, or there are completely different ones Issues that a partner struggles with – and of which they are unsure.”
If the dissatisfaction goes so far that there is an affair, those affected are severely hurt and shaken. After that, mistrust, control and frequent conflicts are normal, and dealing with this breach of trust is extremely challenging. But you can also take advantage of the crisis – the reasons for an affair often hide important issues that sooner or later would have challenged the couple in a different way. Many relationships would fail because of these burdens, but they can also be overcome: The expert recommends working through them together so that the crisis can be used and the couple has the opportunity to reflect and develop.
Why do some people react more jealously than others?
People who have healthy self-esteem , who are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and who take care of themselves are less susceptible to jealousy. They learned in their childhood not to judge their worth by how popular they are with others. They have learned to take care of their own satisfaction.
Strongly jealous people, on the other hand, who suffer from pathological and baseless jealousy, need confirmation from others just as much as a person who dies of thirst needs water. Only children are less likely to suffer from jealousy because they did not have to compete with siblings for the love of their parents in childhood. The experience of getting love exclusively without worrying about losing it makes you less prone to jealousy.