This guide outlines how to give condolences, with suggestions for what to say and do to offer meaningful condolences.
Offering condolences during a time of loss is a sensitive act that requires both empathy and thoughtful expression. It can be a delicate matter, and it’s important to express sympathy with sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Here are some ideas for how to give condolences.
How to give condolences in person
Visit the grieving person… This shows your support and allows you to offer comfort in person. Offer a hug or touch (if appropriate): Physical touch can be a powerful way to convey comfort and compassion. Sharing positive memories can help celebrate the life of the deceased and provide comfort to the grieving person. Ask if there are any specific tasks you can take care of, such as cooking, cleaning, or childcare.
Be mindful of your body language and tone of voice. Avoid making assumptions about what the grieving person is feeling. Allow the grieving person to express their emotions without judgment. Be patient and understanding. Grief is a process that takes time.
How to give condolences: general things to say
- “I am so sorry for your loss.” This simple expression is always appropriate and conveys your sympathy.
- “My thoughts and prayers are with you.” This shows you are thinking of the grieving person and offering them spiritual support.
- “Please accept my deepest condolences.” This is a more formal way of expressing sympathy.
- “You are in my thoughts during this difficult time.” This lets the grieving person know you are thinking of them and care about their well-being.
- “There are no words to express how sorry I am.” This acknowledges that words cannot fully express the depth of your sympathy.
- “My deepest condolences during this difficult time.”
- “Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.”
How to give condolences by sharing a memory
Share a personal memory of the deceased. This shows you knew and cared about the person who died. Highlight a positive quality of the deceased. This helps celebrate their life and remind the grieving person of their loved one’s positive traits.
- “I will always remember [Name] as someone who…”
- “I cherish the memories of [Name] and the joy they brought into our lives.”
How to give condolences by offering support
Offer specific support. Instead of just saying “I’m here for you,” offer to help with specific tasks like cooking, cleaning, or running errands.
- “If there’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
- “I’m here for you in any way you need — whether to talk or for practical help.”
- “I can help with [specific task] if that would be helpful.”
- “Would it be okay if I [offer specific support]?”
How to give condolences: Acknowledge the grief
Acknowledge the pain of the grieving person. Saying something that acknowledges their grief shows you understand their pain and are there to support them.
- “I know this must be very difficult for you”
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you.”
- “I know there are no words that can ease the pain, but please know that I care deeply.”
How to give condolences: Share comforting words
Offer words of hope and comfort. Below are some examples.
- “May your memories of [deceased’s name] bring you comfort”
- “Please know that you are not alone in your grief.”
- “May you find strength and comfort in the love and support of those around you.”
- “Wishing you peace and healing during this difficult time.”
How to give condolences in a card or note
A handwritten note can be a very meaningful method for how to give condolences. Sending a handwritten card or note is a more personal touch than a text or email.
- Share a specific memory or anecdote… This shows that you cared about the deceased and that you are thinking of them. Offer words of comfort and support: Let the grieving person know that you are there for them and that you care.
- Use religious or cultural phrases if appropriate. Depending on the person’s beliefs or cultural background, you may use phrases like “May their soul rest in peace” or other appropriate expressions.
How to give congratulations on happy occasions
How to give condolences: General principles
- Be sincere and genuine: Your words should come from the heart.
- Be present and listen: Sometimes, the best way to offer support is simply being there and listening without judgment.
- Avoid cliches or platitudes: Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place” can be hurtful or dismissive.
- Respect the grieving process: Grief is a unique and personal experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so respect the individual’s needs and pace.
- Offer specific support: Rather than just saying “I’m here for you,” offer specific ways you can be helpful, such as bringing meals, running errands, or helping with childcare.
Final words
Remember, everyone grieves differently, and it’s okay if you don’t have all the right words. The key is to show genuine care and offer support in a way that feels authentic to you and appropriate for the relationship you have with the person who is grieving. The most important thing is to be present and supportive during this difficult time. Your presence and kind words can make a world of difference to someone who is grieving. Here are some resources that you may find helpful:
The Compassionate Friends
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
The Dougy Center
Photo by Irina Anastasiu
