Outlines how to deal with rejection in your work life and your personal life, with psychological tips to help you rise above it and move on, leaving hurt behind.
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You receive a job rejection, your dream place is given to a competitor or in your private life you are dumped by your partner – being rejected can be a hard blow. You feel down and have doubts about your talents. The way you deal with rejection is crucial. Do you try to avoid rejection in any case and, in an emergency, also deny your own personality or are you prepared to take the risk and learn from it? We outline why rejection can also benefit you and how you can deal with it professionally and personally …
CONTENTS
How to deal with rejection: Understanding it
Rejection: The ego also suffers
Rejection: What You Can Learn From It
How to deal professionally with rejection
Understanding it
Rejection acts like a physical pain
You know it: Rejection often feels like a punch in the pit of your stomach . As scientists have shown, this sensation is not without reason. Because rejection activates the same areas in the brain as physical pain. Other negative emotions could not produce any similar reactions in the studies, which gives the phrase “rejection hurts” an even greater meaning.
So rejection is a particularly strong and painful negative emotion . This is compounded by the fact that over time, many people have acquired a completely wrong approach to rejection.
Rejection: The ego also suffers
Nobody likes to be rejected or rejected – whether professionally or privately. Because a rejection can really claw at your ego. Self-doubt and questions like Am I not good enough? can put a strong damper on your own self-confidence. For these reasons, the fear of rejection , especially social rejection, is very deeply anchored in human consciousness. However, many deal with this fear the wrong way. Here are two classic strategies that you should NOT follow to control your fear of rejection.
- The game of hide and seek. True to the motto: If I don’t attract negative attention, nobody can reject me. If you follow this strategy, you will quickly fall into a low-key position. Always say yes and amen, don’t contradict anyone and be as adjusted as possible. However, your own personality falls by the wayside. In addition, such behavior only treads you on the spot, since you are not prepared to take risks and you do not have the will to achieve your goals.
- The perfectionism. Those who have no flaws, not a single flaw, cannot be rejected. At least in the minds of those who choose this strategy. It is forgotten that even this apparent perfection in itself offers a large area to attack, especially when the facade crumbles. In addition, the self-imposed pressure to succeed in this behavior is extremely high and can quickly lead to problems.
But there is another way. With the right mindset, you can not only deal better with rejection, but you can also benefit from it.
How to deal with rejection of an application
A special form of rejection is the rejection of an application. You gave your best, presented all your advantages and in the end it was not enough. This experience can be very frustrating. You can find out how to deal with it professionally here.
What you can learn from it
So don’t let your fear unsettle you or even restrict you. It is part of life not to be able to please everyone. There will always be someone who doesn’t like your idea, doesn’t share your views, or just doesn’t appreciate you personally as others do. Remember, it is the other way around and you certainly know someone you dislike. So instead of pretending to be afraid of rejection, you can learn from it .
- Self-reflection . What behavior triggered the rejection of the other? Do you still feel that your behavior is correct or would you do it differently next time?
- Critical ability. Did the rejection harm you? Did you even learn something from it in the end?
- Perseverance. Have you lost something in the long run? Would you run the risk of being rejected again?
How to deal with rejection professionally
When faced with rejection or rejection, it is only understandable at first if you feel attacked and threatened. This is already anchored in the human instincts , where parental rejection is associated with danger. But if you manage to learn how to deal professionally with rejection, it can be a valuable experience from which you can grow personally. Theseseven tips will help you deal professionally with rejection .
Stay realistic.
You have won nothing – but also lost nothing. Ultimately, you are just as fine after the rejection as before. Even more: you have shown courage; dared something – and gained experience. This can help consolidate your point of view or find mistakes that you can avoid the next time you try.
Stay positive.
It didn’t work the way you imagined it would. That doesn’t mean that the next time around, the outcome will be the same. Don’t let the rejection discourage you from trying again.
Stay calm.
Anger, excitement and the desire for revenge never turned a no into a yes. Instead, stay calm and show greatness, even if your anger at the rejection is understandable.
Remain polite.
Whoever says “no” today may say “yes” tomorrow. So thank them for the attention, the examination of the offer and show your greatness. If you fail here, you burn bridges that you will cross tomorrow. Even if you are disappointed and frustrated, save yourself any negative comment.
Remain self-critical.
Don’t assume that you have the wisdom for yourself. A healthy self-confidence is of course an advantage, but be prepared to admit to yourself when the other person is right. Those who define their own opinion as inviolable cannot improve either.
Stay objective.
Not everything that you take to be pure rejection should be understood that way. In spite of the rejection, remain objective and distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism. This allows you to reach your full potential and learn for the future.
Remain poised and proud.
The most important thing is: never take no personally. In very few cases it is. The other person may just have no time, it does not fit his interests or his future plans. Rejection only says something about the rejecter, not about the rejected.
How to deal with rejection in love
We are all looking for love and recognition, especially from our partner. It hurts all the more when our partner rejects us.
However, our partner is overwhelmed when we demand constant recognition from them. Like us, he or she has whims and weaknesses and is not capable of unconditional love and permanent recognition and appreciation. If we have healthy self-esteem, then we can deal with occasional rejection from our partner.
If we reject ourselves, then we depend on our partner’s approval.
We are then very sensitive and often see a rejection in the behavior or the words of others where there is none.
This leads to hurts and injuries on both sides , which are often the cause of arguments and partnership problems .Whoever loves the other lets them count as they are, as they have been and as they will be.
A partnership is more stable, the more both partners have a healthy sense of self-worth.
The better the individual’s self-esteem, the more stable he is emotionally and the less quickly and often he feels hurt and offended.
It is generally helpful to
- when we tell our partner when we feel rejected
- asking how our partner meant something or why he is behaving in a certain way so that we can understand his reaction and prevent misunderstandings
- to strengthen our self-esteem
- to give ourselves care and recognition.
Questions about rejection – about thinking and acting
- At what moments do you feel rejected by your partner?
- Does your partner know about this?
- Could you lovingly share with your partner when you feel rejected?
- What could you gain, what would you lose if you told your partner that you felt rejected by them?
- Do you reject yourself often?
- What is preventing you from being gentler and more tolerant towards yourself?
- Look in the mirror. Give yourself a smile and learn to be a good friend to yourself. Put an end to your self-denial. You deserve better.
