Outlines the 5 steps and strategies for how to deal with a bully at work, including helpful resources to use in your fightback.
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According to the bullying report of the Federal Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, around every ninth person of working age was bullied at least once in the course of their employment. So you are not alone – a weak (certainly also sad) consolation – but perhaps one that can help take you out of the feeling of isolation and helplessness, coupled with these strategies for how to deal with a bully.
Bullying takes place regardless of profession, industry or company in the entire working world.
However, a distinction must be made between actual bullying and other forms of aversion or wrong behavior. Bullying is not always the case when you feel badly treated by colleagues.
For example, there can be a bad mood in the team for a variety of reasons, but this has nothing to do with bullying at first. According to the definition, two factors and prerequisites are decisive that must be met for this to be considered bullying from the perspective of labor law:
These two properties are decisive:
- Systematic
Only when the harassment by the boss or colleague is systematic and therefore targeted does a criminal act exist. The wrongdoing can otherwise be excused beforehand as a “one-time slip”. - Repeated
Bullying must take place over a period of time. Not every incident that makes you feel sick is targeted psychological terror. A bullying journal (see below) is therefore what you need for proof and documentation.
As a victim of bullying, you are facing one of the greatest tests of your life. The fear of new attacks – before, during or after work – dominates your life. They are physically and mentally bad. Your work and joy in life has decreased. And you try to come to terms with the situation somehow or even completely ignore it. Such behavior is not uncommon: 18.8% stated this strategy against bullying in the bullying report.
But such behavior in the case of bullying is not a solution in the long term. Because in the case of bullying – whether by colleagues or by the supervisor – your health, your professional existence, your freedom of action and your human dignity are attacked, threatened and thus injured and damaged.
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You must not and should not endure this passively, nor wait until the bullying has become unbearable. You have to defend yourself against bullying and learn how to deal with a bully. But never want to solve it entirely on your own, because this only works in the rarest of cases.
How to deal with a bully at work: why does bullying arise?
Bullying occurs where people in a confined space – such as in the office – form a coercive community. There can then be rivalries , but also open hostilities. Instead of working together on goals and successes, employees encounter each other with competitive thinking, hostility or exclusion.
A common cause of bullying is also low self-esteem . By making someone else bad, bullies try to raise themselves and strengthen their own ego. This is to get over one’s own mistakes and inadequacies.
What is remarkable about it: According to research, bullying is primarily a group phenomenon and less the result of a single perpetrator. Some also speak of a “bullying system” – made up of perpetrators and victims, but also fellow travelers, bystanders and shivers.
Victims of bullying often cannot explain the causes at all. This can be due to a wrong assessment of one’s own behavior, but the reason is much more often simple: Victims of bullying get into the predicament through no fault of their own. Of course, there are situations in which an employee has made himself unpopular through his behavior, but there are often other reasons behind it:
- The colleagues are jealous of your achievements
Your colleagues feel pure envy of your good achievements and the successes that you have achieved. Salary increases or promotions can make this worse. This can again scratch the self-esteem of some colleagues who resort to bullying out of envy. - You have a good relationship with the boss.
Your boss likes you and your colleagues notice that too. Maybe you and your boss are on the same wavelength, see things and decisions similarly, or work very similarly. You are secretly branded and marginalized as the boss’s favorite . People distance themselves from you because they fear that you might give confidential information to the boss. - You live in different circumstances.
Your colleagues distance themselves from you because you have the impression that you have nothing in common with you. For example, you are the only married woman with children. All of your colleagues are still singles and enjoy going out on Friday evenings, while you leave the office early on Friday to spend time with your children.
How to deal with a bully at work: the 5 steps
1: keep a bullying diary
Keep a bullying journal. You may be reluctant to document the harassment in the workplace and thus the various forms of bullying. But it is an important step in stopping the history of bullying. You need to be clear about this:
- who the bully is
- who is involved in bullying,
- who watches passively,
- whoever takes your side
- how you are bullied
- when you are being bullied,
- how the bullying affects your health, your emotions and your work. Read the article Bossing which effects are typical.
This is the only way to develop a strategy against bullying at all. And, above all, the bullying incidents also prove what offers support, especially with legal questions.
So don’t be afraid to put everything in writing. Often by doing this you already regain some initial inner strength because you take the incidents seriously and no longer downplay them as “not that bad”. For your support you should download a bullying diary template , on which you can write down the bullying incidents.
2: Get to know typical acts of bullying
Bullying is very complex. This is why it is sometimes difficult to even determine whether what has happened is bullying or not. Studies by occupational psychologists have defined acts of bullying, which will familiarize you with the different forms of bullying. You can also use this to write your bullying diary.
3: Look for allies – internally and externally
Although bullying is always a group phenomenon, even if there is a central bully, there will also be colleagues within this group who are on your side. Find their support
- when classifying the bullying act,
- when taking countermeasures and defending yourself.
So actively get your backing. Discuss the incidents with the works council, supervisor, HR management or management. Make the bullying public.
Find more social support. Let your partner and family know what stress you are exposed to at work. For your emotional balance you absolutely need a trusted person who listens to you and who stands by you. However, your partner cannot and should not be the only outside ally. This would lead to too much stress. Therefore, contact your family doctor, a psychologist, a lawyer, a bullying advice center and / or a self-help group. Build up a network that stands by your side against bullying and informs you about further options, such as legal action.
4: Defend against bullying
Be active. Put a stop to bullying. This can be done in several ways:
- Have a discussion with the bully – preferably in the presence of a third party.
- Defend yourself verbally . “I no longer tolerate this meanness. I urge you to treat me with respect. “
- Demand fair behavior . “Yes, I made a mistake. However, this does not give you the right to criticize me and my abilities like that. You’d better tell me objectively what you disliked. “
- Say “no”. “You have specifically withheld information from me in the past few weeks. I can no longer accept this. Either you inform me of important facts in good time in the future or I see myself compelled to report these incidents to the management. “
- Draw boundaries . For example, react to shouting with a symbolic gesture: cover your ears or hold up a piece of paper “I am not deaf”.
- Discourage the bully. Do not show any visible effect on verbal attacks. Or laugh at the bully and his attack.
- Counter quick-witted. If the bully insults you with the words “You asshole”, simply reply “Pleasant, farmer, my name.”
- Make the bully insecure. Get allies by your side. You can demonstrate your growing social support in your team, department and / or company.
- Isolate the bully. Make his attacks public in the company. Demand a clear anti-bullying attitude.
- Intimidate the bully . Threaten legal ramifications. Specify what you will do if the bully does not cease to be bullying.
5: strengthen yourself
Take good care of yourself during this time as the supporting foundation for how to deal with a bully at work: This also includes coping with your own stress. Perhaps you are doing meditation, exercising, relaxing exercises, or a hobby that builds your self-worth. At the same time, initiate long-term self-management with which you train your self-assertion. Take a rhetoric or body language seminar to be more confident, both verbally and non-verbally. Also admit weaknesses that the bully has exploited for his bullying activities. Think about how you can turn these weaknesses into strengths.
