When their child screams, many parents respond with threats and severity. Instead, they should realize that their children are overburdened in this situation – and find other solutions to deal with the situation. A mother of two gives tips to calm a screaming child.
The baby was wrapped, fed and covered, but now it’s in the car and roars. The toddler sits in the sandpit and screams because Peter does not give up the shovel. The schoolchild is supposed to do homework and instead pops the room door with a loud curse. All the little tyrants? Do not parents have the duty to finally “get their own way”?
The answer is no. Let it. If your child screams, then there is a reason. When a child cries, his system is overloaded – and whatever educational measures we take now has no effect whatsoever. The child may be quiet if we put enough pressure on us, but it is guaranteed that nothing will be learned. There are better ways to calm a screaming child.
Therefore, for wise parents, when our child cries, cries, or roars, his brain is in a state of emergency. We have to postpone any educational measures until later and make sure that we can listen to them again. Of course we have to act according to age.
Calm a screaming child: Baby
For the baby in the car, we react immediately to a whimpering, crying or even screaming baby. It is a myth that even infants manipulate their parents, which does not allow their brain development. Babies do not lie: studies show that babies who respond promptly and emphatically, shout less and less and develop better.
So we take the child out of the car, usually it settles down quickly. It does not calm down? Never mind, you still do it right! Because it’s still better for his brain development when he cries in mum’s or daddy’s arms than when it’s alone in the stroller. A clear case.
Toddler in the sandbox
Calm a screaming child: the toddler in the sandpit:
Again, we respond immediately. Of course, we will not tear Peter’s blue shovel off now so that Emma stops screaming. From a child of one and a half, two or three years, we expect much more often that Emma now “pulls herself together”.
Basically, the assumption is also correct: The children learn in the second year of life, to put their needs back, sometimes to wait, to process frustration. But several times a day at this age, the limit is exceeded, at which the child can still regulate itself. His small system can no longer handle the stress and it screams.
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Recognize that the child is overloaded
Giving a child the right does not mean doing everything the child wants. It is said that we acknowledge that the child is overloaded: “Okay, you really want to go to the toilet, I see you. At the moment Peter is sick and we can only wait. “We can go on the swing or offer the yellow shovel.
But beware: Often a tired toddler can not do anything with our love offers. Now we must not lose control ourselves and shout insulted: “You do not want the yellow shovel? You little terror dwarf! “No, we are smart, we teach our child how to deal with stress:” Oh, the yellow shovel will not help you, I understand. I think the day was long now too, come to me, you can cry in my arms. “
We are the place where our children are safe with their helpless anger and overburdening. And we show them that they always have a safe haven with us. Often the kids do not want closeness – that’s fine, too. We stay there, taking care that the child hurts neither themselves nor others and wait until the “neuron storm” in the brain, because nothing else is the screaming and raving, has settled.
Listen to schoolchildren
For our schoolchild the following applies: Before I loudly explain to my child that no doors will be slammed here, we first have to discuss what’s going on. The best way: first listen. “Hey, I hear you do not feel like doing your homework. Tell me what’s going on. “
Often schoolchildren can tell very clearly what bothers them, they are hungry, they are tired, they need help, they do not understand the material or they prefer to play. Then you can find alternatives and even make it clear how you see it yourself. Only then do we remind the child of the family rules, which say, for example, that no doors will be popped here and no one will be yelled at – which I can only say if I do not scream myself.
When parents reach out, the child does not learn anything
Why so much effort? Would not “take it through” much easier? No it is not. If I get through, the children may be quiet, but they have not learned anything. But we want children who learn something. So we act the way science teaches us: only when children are relaxed, their brains can take our words. We can not raise a child who cries. We have to calm it down first and come to its side. And then explain the social rules first.
For science also teaches that children want to cooperate. Children want to be part of a group, they want to please their parents, to be loved. So our children are constantly in conflict: I want to please my parents, but I also want to decide for myself. Most of the time, you can make good compromises by four in the afternoon. But when the evening approaches, parents and children are tired, the brain is slowly exhausted. All of them are affected: The children can no longer cooperate, we parents start complaining.
If we now manage to teach our child how to cope with stress, instead of seeing a little “tyrant”, we have already won. And it’s good to remember that: children do not scream to annoy us. They scream because they really need help: “He who cries is right.” When we approach our children in this way, we get amazingly cooperative answers. Try it!
